After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
wow bdsm is so cute
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
