____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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