I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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