It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
