we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
