If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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