very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
