Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
