she woke up with a sticky ear
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
