I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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