I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
