Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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