idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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