i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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