So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
