i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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