who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i believe in u and ur pee
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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