I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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