I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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