I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
