Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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