Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
