I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
