dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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