he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
