hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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