uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
