I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
