I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
