i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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