I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
