dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
His nipple licking is glorious
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