Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
