took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
