i think my tv is drunk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
