Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
