BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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