A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This house was built for laser tag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
