I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
