weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
