is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
