I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
