the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So many bounce houses so little time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
