Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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