I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
