one might say we're banned from that church
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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