he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
