so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
