My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
