Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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