Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
